brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
