I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
