I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
