So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just threw up on my dentist
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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