Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
