So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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