the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize