He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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