Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
