theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
