Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
