May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
