sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize