some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I need moral support for this bender
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
