don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
