omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
