Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
