babies were throwing up all over the place
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im holly from the hills drunk
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
