Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
