I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
