I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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