I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
