were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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