Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
