I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
