Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
