I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
