I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
