Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize