I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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