Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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