my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
