theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize