chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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