Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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