I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
