the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you win again, gameday.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Boobs are out for the taking
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
