This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
