Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
