how hairy? two words: wookie tits
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I could fuck to npr.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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