Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
