I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
