she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
