I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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