my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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