What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
vagina is talking i cant
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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