her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think my moral compass just broke
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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