Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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