the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
