Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
