my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
