This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
