dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
