He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize