I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
