It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
