My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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