ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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