I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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