This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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