I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
