apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
