I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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