Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
