cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
