I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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