Buhtt sex?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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