census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
