And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
