apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
