I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
