My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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