I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
