You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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