I wannas sexs uuuuu
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
