I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
