I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
