just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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