I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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