i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
