Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
