Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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