Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am in a vortex of obligation.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
