i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
