Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
