I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
