Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
