I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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