ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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