remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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