If i could tip my vagina, i would.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
