it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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