Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize