My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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