I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
