I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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