she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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