hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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